Jo (00:01)
Welcome back to Reconnect Her Fire. I'm Jo, a wealth and identity mentor for female founders and helping women rebuild their trust, move the fear and the beliefs out the way so they can start welcoming more wealth.
abundance and joy back into their life. And today I want to talk about something that I noticed I was guilty of last year, of the reassurance loop that is actually killing your business. What do I mean? So many of us
get stuck in asking everybody else around us what they think when we have an idea when we're trying to grow the business aren't we we're expanding
we're not feeling 100 % confident we're on the right track because we're alone. We're often doing these businesses alone. If you've become an entrepreneur recently or you've started your own business, in the beginning you add another 50 titles to who you are from accountant to designer and creator and suddenly the list just goes on and on and on.
But what we tend to do is we lose track.
We disconnect from ourselves and so we don't fully know all these new labels and titles. So we start asking everybody else around us, how do you do this? What's the best way for me to show up? How do I create this in my business? And yes, there are the right people to ask, but also there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes of actually we start to lose our own self trust.
to believe we don't know what's best for us and our business and this is a disconnection I see time and time again but mostly through what I've noticed myself the last year by using AI.
every time I had an idea I would almost go back and check with AI what's the SEO what's the best way to present this what do people want to hear now don't get me wrong AI is great but if you're using it every time that you want to have an idea a decision then actually
You're training your brain not to feel confident in yourself. You're training yourself that you need reassurance on every choice and decision, that you're not capable of believing in yourself anymore. You've got to get validation outside of you. And we know that's a trap. We know that's the road where we don't want to go anymore. Because if we're seeking validation externally, consistently,
we're destroying the very fact that we know we're capable. We start then criticising and judging easier. We start to become vulnerable on how others see us and that is where fears creep in. That's what keeps us stuck.
We almost believe other people's opinions more than we believe ourself because we're not doing the work ourselves and building our own self-trust. We're putting it out to everybody else. And that was me. And last year, I would have used ChatGBT daily. And the more people I speak to, they do the same. But it got me really thinking, actually, every time I've got an idea, I don't just go with it.
and ask chat gbt what it thinks and that isn't helpful because now I'm doubting myself I'm not building my confidence and self-worth and self-esteem I'm not feeling confident that I'm enough I'm not showing up authentically because I'm there
asking somebody else, so what am I doing? I'm self-abandoning. It creates me to overthink, worry, get fearful. It makes me believe I'm not capable.
And the women that don't use this or don't rely and don't need external validation, guess what? They're cracking on with their businesses. They're just getting on with it. They're experimenting, but they're not wasting the time on asking everybody else what they want and how it should be and is it good enough and do you think people will like it?
And I can't say any different because that has been me. And that's why I'm talking to you about it today, because I want you just to become aware of how many times do you not.
ask somebody else outside of you and just crack on with it even if it feels uncomfortable even if it feels scary even if you know it could fail and you could be judged or criticised or are you in the perfectionism fear of I've got to get it right it's got to be its best and if it isn't I'm going to show up as somebody that doesn't know what they're talking about
I'm going to be mocked, I'm going to be laughed at. Well that isn't the truth. It might have been from a past experience in childhood and now you've got a belief that says it's got to be perfect. You can't go through that pain again of being picked on, being victimised. So you've got to get it right. And that isn't the truth.
Let's put it this way, when you go to social media and YouTube and all the other platforms, what do you enjoy? Do you enjoy the real stiff people that just give you the facts and lay it out there? Or do you enjoy bit of fun and a bit of, god, they made a mistake or, my god, look, they're real, I can relate to them.
That's the authentic version of you that's trying to come out, that's trying to show up. But you're holding on to a belief that isn't yours in the first place, telling you, you've got to be absolutely right and get this perfect. So that is why we tend to reach out for everybody else's opinion that haven't even been or going where we are. Or we use chat GBT in all the different platforms, every different kind of AI, Google, whatever.
is, nine times out of ten, we don't actually even end up using or believing that advice is right.
But we seem to need to do it more and more. And it's a bit like you're training an animal to do a juggling act. You're training something. It gets better and better and better. And so does your mind becoming stronger with these pathways. You are creating the neuro pathways of telling yourself you need outside validation. You don't trust yourself. You don't believe in yourself and you need everybody else to tell you it's OK and you're going to be safe. You're going to be fine.
no one's going to criticise and everyone's going to come in and buy the products and that's nonsense isn't it? Come on! Start being truthful to yourself. I've had to do this recently and it really did actually open up more self-awareness which gave me that possibility to go,
That's why, that's why I got stuck. That's why I was then looking desperately and asking chatGBT far too often for what I felt was the right way to do it. But in actual fact, all it's done is caused me more overwhelm, more fear, more failure, feeling of I'm gonna fail.
if I don't get an outside verdict I feel that if I get criticised and judged that's going to make me see and show up as somebody else because I'm trying to fit in to what they want me to be and that's nonsense, that's rubbish!
When you sharp authentically, when you believe in what you're doing, when you love what you're doing, when you literally are more self-aware of what those beliefs are that you've currently got that don't match the version that you're stepping into, that don't match the imaginative state of where your business would want to be,
then isn't it time you become more responsible and be honest and say, right, where am I not being authentic? Where am I not showing up as me and believing I'm enough as I am? Where am I not trusting myself? Where am I not actually being the best version? And there's no shame in that.
They are the questions that are going to start to reveal and help you understand you are enough already. You've got what it takes because you wouldn't even be given the ideas in the first place. The things that light you up, the things that bring you joy, the way that you come across will be felt through your energy, through your enthusiasm and through the lightness that you give off.
as long as you can understand that you don't have to show up having it all sorted out. You don't have to show up having the perfect team around you. You don't have to show up being the best version yet because that's what you're stepping into and you won't find her until you start here, until you mess up, until you just show up today and not be this version that...
you are in fear. You're showing sides of yourself that don't relate to anyone. They actually repel them. So what is it that you seek reassurance for? This is a question you can journal and believe me you might be a bit shocked what comes up.
start asking why and keep going with the whys until you get to that core belief then flip that belief. It's not true, it's not you. Never was. But if you're seeing and filtering what you see outside of you because your mind will only show you what you believe if you don't believe you're good enough.
You'll never see a way or a reason to step out of where you are now. You won't expand your business. You'll be too fearful. You won't want to meet people that could actually help grow your business. You won't put yourself in environments that would actually, you could meet the people that would take you to the next level, guide you, show you. You won't leap in and get the support that you deserve to have.
So if you're noticing that you're not growing, that your business is stuck and you're not willing to jump, you're not willing to take that big bold step, or you're not even willing to ask for support, then that's the first step that you need to be aware of. Because that's probably where the self-trust has become less.
That's where you're asking everybody else when inside you have the answers all the time. And that's the practice you need to do. And I'm going to give you one easy step to start this. And I will tell people over and over again, is the way to come back to yourself and to trust yourself is to quiet down, is to start asking yourself, if I did believe myself and I felt my answer was enough.
What would I bring out?
to the world. What would I show up as? Who would I be if that's all there could be? If I couldn't ask anybody else, if there was no such thing as a computer to ask, if chat, GBT and AI didn't exist, if Google didn't exist, and if nobody was around me, so I had to lean in with what I felt was right, do I feel confident enough to show up as that version? Do I feel confident enough to share my services?
Now, there's no right and wrong with that. These are questions you need to ask yourself. But when you do, you're going to start becoming aware of what it is that's blocking you, what the fears are and what the beliefs that are giving you the view that you're currently seeing that isn't bringing the results, the clients, the money, the wealth. There's no shame in wanting wealth.
the more women that have wealth of extreme amounts that can do better for this world and this planet and help humanity, the better.
But if you fear holding more wealth because it comes with more responsibility or you've got to abandon your needs because it's going to take longer, it's going to be more work, you're going to be stressed, then there's a belief there that needs moving.
that maybe success is fearful to you. And if that's the case, you'll never see an opportunity to become creative and successful. It won't happen. Simple as, because if your beliefs don't believe you're worthy of success, you will stay where you are today. But if you removed that program and uploaded it, I love success. Success is great. Success brings me all I want and I can hold it all. Guess what happens? Clients start flowing in. You magnetise to new environments.
You choose and you raise your standards. You raise your prices with ease. You value and trust yourself to make a better choice. You have more self-respect which then energetically starts attracting clients that don't hustle, that don't complain. You don't end up where you were. You end up creating what you dreamt of, what you believed you could have, but you didn't know how to get there.
So instead of just stepping on the ladder and it's got 10 steps and you're still stuck on number one, imagine what it would feel like to get to number six and then number eight and then you've got your final goal. You should be visualising by now your goals, your end goal, what it feels like, the version of you stepping into herself, how she's showing up, how she's dressed, how she's talking. Who's she with?
Bring her into your dreams, into your imagination. When you do that, you knock out the fear. You can't have fear and positivity in the same space in your mind. They don't exist. One's got to lead all the other. Which one are you allowing to?
But today I just want to help you understand. Maybe we're asking too much outside of ourselves and we need to come back in. We need to start trusting ourselves again. And it can take a few days or a few weeks. That's up to you. But when you do this, you empower yourself. And when you trust yourself more, you'll take steps to get you where you want to go. And when you do that, your confident rises and then you'll put yourself in environments
I've recently done this and I've put myself in rooms with leading female founders. And guess what? I felt fine. First of all...
I was admitting, I last year, when I looked at these groups of women, they terrified me. I didn't believe I was worthy of that level. But today, no, I'll sit next to them. Famous? I don't mind, but I don't feel inferior. My identity shifted and now I attract clients on that level because I believe that I deserve this. I believe in myself.
I believe in what I offer and that's the energy you're going to give out.
And my mission is always to help women bring in more money, more joy and more freedom. And this is something that you're ready to start. My 12 week reconnect to fire program is open. I have limited spaces. hold this for women that are ready to leap, that want to build the self trust, that want to remove the fears and understand themselves to a level that they can walk away with more confidence they're capable
of taking charge again of their life, their relationships, their business, their home, their family life, because it affects everything. What we do once, we do it again and again. But if you're not even aware of what you're doing and getting the same endless results, guess what? That's what you're gonna continue doing. So if you're interested,
message me on here or through social media because it's a 12 week program. It's online and it's for female founders. And when you see yourself in a completely new way, you have a new perspective, a new way of stepping into the world of creating and building your business with more joy.
and you have built foundations that are stable, the world outside starts to reflect it back to you. And you know this, because there's times in your life when you've done this and things have gone boom, they've gone great, but then they start to halt. But today's podcast is purely about...
allowing you to see are we looking outside of ourselves too much and is it time we come back and start believing in ourselves just a little bit more.
If this resonates with you, then subscribe and hit like, because the upcoming videos and podcasts, I'm going to be diving more into visibility and creating wealth, believing in ourselves and actually taking a chance on ourselves and giving ourselves permission to be the best version that we possibly can and magnetise, not hustle and bustle for things in life.
but actually attract what we want in a far easier way. So until next time, with much love and gratitude.
