Jo (00:01)
Why is it that so many women in business are struggling to receive the money they damn well deserve? Hello everyone and welcome back to Reconnect Her Fire Podcast. And today I'm going to talk about why we find it often so hard to receive.
And this is something that's really been bugging me lately because the more I speak about it, the more women talk to me about it. And it's incredible because these are women in business, in levels, CEO. And honestly, it's got me thinking really deeply, maybe it's not about money at all that they're asking.
I'm starting to realise that maybe it's just the money that exposes what they already believe about themselves. And before you think, no, Jo, mine's different, just hear me out. Because
Especially over the last 17 years that I've been working with women coaching, whether they've been running their own businesses, they're CEOs, they're professionals, or they're just mums and they're desperately wanting to start something for themselves. I'm noticing the same pattern over and over. And they're often brilliant, they're great at what they already do. They care deeply.
And they're passionate and they want to make that impact with their clients, and they work bloody hard no matter what to achieve this. Yet, when it comes to them saying, This is what I charge, that's my price, that's when things start to fall apart.
They end up in here talking to themselves of ways of not asking for what they want. And more often than not, they lower the price even before they've even mentioned it. They feel they aren't enough. They can't see how people can afford their costs. They start justifying in their head. Their inner chat actually takes over and convinces them to disbelieve their credibility or even that they can achieve or they're good enough.
and they can't even charge what they want. All because of something in here. Or they spend the next six months going and getting another qualification, a justification.
Or they start to redesign the website, they'll find ways to be more creative, they'll keep completely rewriting the offer and they feel they need to change their logo again and again and lower the price. Or they might start throwing in extra sessions. Anything except simply asking for what they're truly worth. And why? Why do they do it?
Because that's what I found out. It's the scary bit. And I don't think it's because they're frightened of hearing the word no. Women are far stronger than that. I think they're frightened of what they make, that no means about them. And can you notice and feel the difference?
Because if somebody says no to your price and you immediately jump in with, well, I can't be good enough, that's got nothing to do with money. That itself is the evidence of lack of self-trust.
And that is what's got me thinking for today's podcast because when we were little girls, what did we spend our lives doing? If you think about it, we were always asking permission. Let's go back. Can I have some more pocket money? Can I have some more food? Can I have another snack?
Can I go out? Can I go out and play? Can I go and meet my friends? Can I stay over at my friend's house? Can I have a friend round to play? Can I buy this? Can I play with this? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Every sentence as a little girl started more often with can I?
We got used to somebody else deciding whether we could have what we wanted, didn't we? Now I'm not blaming our parents, this is just patterning that they repeated. They were parenting the best they knew how. But I do wonder how many women are still living like that.
They're waiting for permission to even earn more. They're waiting for permission to be successful, to show up, to be visible, to take up space, to be more fragile. Permission to actually say, this is what I want to do, and this is what I'm going to do. Because we don't want to make others feel uncomfortable. But the reality often ends up in a way that shows.
That we always ask for permission. The truth is, nobody's coming. Nobody's gonna come and knock on your door and go, right, you've done enough now, you've officially allowed to charge more. I give you full permission, and everything changes. Just doesn't happen, does it? Wouldn't it be great? And it never will, no matter how often it swells in your head, no matter what conversations you have in your head, at the end of the day, the truth is you decide.
And that's why I bring up and talk about self-trust so much over and over. People ask me all the time, why self-trust? Why have you gone down that level now? You were talking more about manifestation. Well, underneath manifestation is self-trust because everything comes after it. You don't become visible on social media or you don't get up onto the stage without having self-trust.
And you don't ever really increase your prices if you didn't trust yourself. And you don't leave that relationship that's making you unhappy, miserable, until you actually start trusting yourself. And you don't start or even build that business without trusting yourself more. It all comes back to the very same simple.
Thing. Do I trust myself enough to make this decision for me? Without asking everybody else and needing everybody else to agree with you. That's the real question you need to ask yourself today. As this is what I've learned in my own life, and now
I can see the patterns of destructive behaviour, all of which I created beautifully because I never fully trusted myself. So I couldn't act on self-trust. I acted on fear. Every single time in my past that I haven't trusted myself, it's cost me. Whether that's money.
Opportunities, confidence, relationships, and the biggest things was years of my life being stuck in fear, hesitation, dreaming, but never feeling safe or confident to ask for what I wanted. I never even tried because I didn't believe I could. I didn't trust myself.
So I wonder where that's showing up for you in any areas of your life, basically. Where are you already knowing the answer? And be honest with yourself.
But you're waiting for somebody else to confirm it, to give you that permission slip. Maybe you already know your prices need to go up, and you know it's time to launch that offer and fully show up on social media daily. Promote yourself, be proud of what you do. Maybe you're already knowing that relationship has run its course, whether it's business or personal, and it's now just running ahead of you because you don't really trust yourself to take that new path.
On your own, maybe you already know the decision and the choice that you need to make today. You don't just trust yourself enough to make it, do you? Or even speak it out into existence. So here's what I'd love you to think about today and get honest with yourself. Brutally honest, as I say, because nobody else can answer this for you.
I'll say that again, nobody can answer this for you. Where are you still asking permission? That voice inside your head?
It will soon tell you. Because I honestly believe the women who create the biggest lives, their dreams, their desires, they aren't always the cleverest or the loudest or even the most qualified or even the most experienced. They're simply the women who have learned to trust themselves enough to act, to stand in before they have all the certainty and all the answers in front of them.
And that is what changes everything. Before I tell you about my disaster story.
Which is why I'm here today. If you'd like more of this kind of chat of what we're talking about today, then subscribe to this channel as it's free and you don't miss out on the next episodes. Because I'm gonna dive further into this and press like as well if it's something you enjoy. Because the more women who get to hear this, the more it helps women make better choices. Because where they showed up for me was just over five years ago.
When I ended a four-year relationship, which never, be honest, should have started, it had the all the red flags from day one, and I still pursued this man as I could see the good in him. Yes, he had everything on paper: the house, the car, the career, the charm, the looks, everything, the calmness. And what got me hooked also sunk me.
Because a week later he announced he was suffering from depression, which inevitably he was losing his job and also his car. And it was too late in my mind. I I'd gone into the rescue mode. I had fallen for his charm. I remember driving in the car back to my house after a discussion with him asking to move into my house because obviously he was being evicted. And this was a few weeks after meeting him.
And inside I heard myself shout, No way, no, you're not repeating this mistake because I'd done it, yeah, with the previous relationship. But I kept hearing it, but I ignored it.
And that feeling inside I couldn't speak. I couldn't trust myself to speak what my own inner voice was shouting as I felt I was gonna lose him, I'd be left behind, I'd be alone, and I couldn't trust my intuition or my own inner knowing, let alone my feelings. I thought he'd end it. I thought I would end it inside.
It was almost like I was stuck. So I made choices, which basically they broke me down bit by bit over the four years until I was a complete shell of a person. I didn't like myself much either, or even know who I was, until I broke, until I let him go, until I finally kicked him out. And then I had five weeks of releasing the pent-up anger, the the pain, the unspoken words.
It was painful, but it was also my awakening. So it became the version of who I am today. But it did take years of my life. It wasn't necessary. If I knew what I did now or had a mentor to support me, I wouldn't have wasted probably over ten years in relationships.
I wouldn't have repeated the behaviours. I know everything happens for a reason, but if myself could trust even a little more, I would have been strong enough to say no at the beginning of that problem. It wasn't a relationship. It was a problem from the start. I wouldn't have hesitated because nowadays I don't. I don't question it. I just move on.
I thank the world and I move on because I trust myself to know that my decisions are enough. I don't need to keep asking everybody else. I don't need to look outside of me for answers all the time. Yes, I have support, but I don't need it the way I used to. Because before I'd just follow the crowd. I didn't want to lead. I just wanted to fit in. I wanted to just be happy.
And it never really got me anywhere. It kept me stuck in jobs that just couldn't pay me what I wanted or felt I deserved. It kept me in roles that actually depleted my knowledge, my confidence after staying far too long. Just because I didn't trust myself to take that leap. I always needed certainty. Well, we don't get that. I truly believe this. And now I understand it. And I don't want women to wait until they're burnt out, they're broken.
Or they're lying awake at three in the morning wondering how the hell they ended up here and what do they do now? I want women to see what's happening while they're still on their beautiful life journey. And actually to be able to recognise the patterns before they become a normal part of their daily life.
So they are actually confident enough to change direction, to speak up, to reach out before they hit the end of that road. Because when we're exhausted and we're overwhelmed and we're running on empty, we don't tend to make conscious choices. In fact, we end up just in fearful reactive mode. We don't ask for help. Shame kicks in. We just do what we need to survive and we stay because it feels easier.
Or there's a lack of money to believe we can make it alone. So often we just end up settling, don't we? Because we've lost the energy to fight for something different. And we don't trust ourselves that we can change it. So that's why self-awareness is such a gift.
Because it gives you the chance to question yourself early enough to make a different choice, a better choice, to hear and acknowledge your own intuition before you ignored it. And you start to notice the beliefs before they come your identity. And you get to choose a different path while you're still on a path.
But you feel that you've got the strength to start making it now.
That's why I'm so passionate about the work I do. Having freedom in the mind, in the body, and financial is what women need more than ever. I'm here to help women trust themselves so they can change direction before they ever need to. They can make that business decision. They can step in to the version of them that actually charges what they truly are worth.
And it is and can be that simple. Self-awareness will either help you create your life, it will help you create the relationships, the business that you dream about but don't feel confident to start.
So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, Jo, I know I'm getting in my own way, I'm self-sabotaging, I'm overthinking, I'm blocking it. You already know. You know where you're making excuses already. You know where you're abandoning yourself over and over again to stay comfortable. You know where fear is making your decisions instead of you. I don't need to tell you that. That's not what I'm here to do.
Maybe you've been wondering why your business isn't growing the way you wanted it to. Why you're working so hard, but you're not seeing the results you hoped for. And it's on repeat. You're not bringing in the money. Maybe it isn't because you need another strategy. Or is it because you've reached a point where you can't see your own blind spots anymore? I know, I this.
Because exactly that's where I was. One of the best and biggest decisions I ever made after my awakening was asking for help. And oh did it feel shakeable. Not because I couldn't do it on my own, I always felt I had to do everything on my own.
But because I didn't want to stay in that survival mode anymore, I realised I had a choice. I'd made a big decision then. And I wanted something different for my life. I wanted to recreate life on my terms. I wanted joy. I wanted someone who could see what I couldn't and help me discover why I was doing the things I wanted. So I invested in a coach and it wasn't easy. It stretched me financially and emotionally because I never felt I needed help.
But looking back, it was the biggest decision I'd ever made that changed my life for the better. And that's why I do what I do today. I mentor women to become the best versions of themselves, to lean into themselves and invest in what matters to them. And that's themselves. Because every time I do, I grow.
Not just my business grows, but I do. Me. I don't have to fear, as like I used to. And I'm realising my business will only grow as much as I'm willing to grow. As much as I'm willing to know about myself. The more honest I become with myself, the more the world reflects it back to me, the more aware I become.
The better decisions I make, the better opportunities show up. The ideas come to me. My mind is calmer, and that's why I genuinely love what I do. That's been the biggest game changer. I get to watch women reconnect with themselves. I get to see them stop doubting every decision, fearing choices. I get to watch them charge what they're worth.
And actually show up proudly and confident and finally believe in what they have to offer without stumbling or going backwards. Not because I gave them confidence, but because they've built it for themselves. They can finally see themselves owning, having it. And that's why I love working with women in groups as well.
There's something incredibly powerful about watching one woman find her own voice, speak it, show up. Because the moment she does that, she gives another woman permission to do the same and helps another woman believe she can. That's how change happens. One woman at a time, one brave decision.
One choice and one moment of self-trust is all it takes. No matter how scary it feels in the beginning, we never get to do things when we feel perfectly okay. The main reason I've called my program reconnect her fire is because that's exactly what I help women do. I give them back the permission to reconnect to themselves, to the woman they've always been.
You don't need to be somebody else, but you become the woman underneath the fear, the overthinker, the self-doubter, the over-giver, the self-sabotaging. And you're no longer self-abandoning yourself to please others as much as you used to. When you trust yourself, everything changes in your life in every way possible for the better. You feel able to make the decisions that feel right for you, and you stop living from fear.
And start living from that inner knowing. You start listening to what you want. You stop asking everything and everybody around you what they think. And you start showing up differently. You create the identity of the version that holds your desires with ease. You are happy to share that message. You talk about your business. And you talk with confidence because you know the women who need you can't find you if you're hiding.
One of the things I see, it also helps women feeling less scary to show up.
It's also helping them take responsibility for themselves. And that's a completely different place to build a business from. The foundations of your business will either rock or they'll hold your business up. So if you've been listening today and something I've said has really landed with you, and you've started questioning yourself, if you know it's time.
To stop the second guessing and start wanting to trust yourself more, I'd love to help you. Just send me the word belief.
Whether it's on here, Instagram, and I'll send you my free clarity checklist. And this is going to go through and help you uncover exactly where you are now and what's holding you back and what your next step needs to be. But until next week, with much love and gratitude.
